So recently someone said to me ‘you’ve gained so much weight in the last 2 years’ And it had me thinking, like i was seriously stressing out. I hate change, and to think that my appearance had gone ‘downhill’ was kinda upsetting. I spent weeks on end crying, binge eating, stressing and feeling like shit.
I used to be a size 8 – 10 and i’m now a size 14 – 16. I can’t begin to explain how that makes me feel. I hate looking in the mirror, i feel so disgusted when i look at pictures, i hate full body pictures because i feel so awful about my appearance. I will be the first to admit that i miss the old me but learning to accept my life as it is now is kinda important. Deep down I know i can’t ever be that person again. I can try my hardest, i can strive to get as close as possible to my past weight but it won’t be identical. I grew killer boobs which ain’t ever gonna shrink but hey, that’s life.
Can i just say, I’m not promoting being over weight in any way. Obviously it will have effects on your physical health but learning to love yourself is so important. I wouldn’t say i’m severely overweight but the amount i’ve gained in the last year especially makes me worry about the future.
But then i had a realisation. Why do i care so much about what other people think. If i want to change then i will. I want to change, it won’t be easy. In fact it’s impossible. I’m on medication that causes weight gain (hence i gained the weight in the first place) But i won’t give up. If i’m not happy with myself then i have to be the one to take action. I know it will take a long time but if i want it i will strive for it.
I guess what i’m trying to say is that yes loosing weight is first and foremost but it won’t happen unless you are in the right mind state and feeling positive in yourself. So before i try my hardest to lose weight i’m going to give myself the confidence i need. Yes i’m not a size 6 but i am me. I’m engaged to a man who loves me for myself, i have some amazing friends who support me through thick and thin and i have the capability to change so hell, that’s what i’m gonna do.
My check list is as following:
- Buy a sports bra, damn i need one to keep those puppies in line.
- Start small and work my way up. Maybe i will do a 1/2 a mile run this week and a mile next week and so on.
- Yes i’m gonna have slip ups, i accept that but i’m gonna come back from that with more will power then ever.
- I’m going to go swimming once a week, walk on the beach and stop using the god damn elevator. There’s stairs and i have legs. Put the two together!
- Cut down on the takeaway, ice cream and chocolate!
I really hope my journey takes me to where i want to be, i won’t give up as easily as i have in the past, i can’t. I’m in the right mindset now and i realise that it’s all well and good crying about it but if i want to change then i have to take action for yourself, otherwise you’ll stay the exact same. I hope my sister reads this and is proud, i learnt a lot of how to deal with my problems from her.
This post was kinda personal, and not like i usually post. But i just wanted to share my story of how i’ve changed, and how i need to take control. I hope this post has given a little motivation, even if it’s only a little then it was worth it.
Never give up, life’s a journey and theres gonna be ups and there will be downs too. Just keep going and never lose sight of the destination.
Love A x