Happy Sunday, the best day of the week. Relax time, the only day it’s acceptable to stay in bed, wearing jammies and drinking milkshake. (The last part is what i love) I spend the majority of my day watching makeup tutorials on youtube and watching films. Bliss. Todays post is about an issue as girls we find hard to deal with. Guys do too, but they react differently to us girls. If you’re a guy reading this and you do find it helpful, thats fab. Read on!
Falling out with friends
When we fall out with friends, it can feel like the end of the world. In some cases it’s more sad then a relationship break up. You’ve spent most days with that person, shared so many memories and you’re like sisters. So when you have an argument it can feel like part of you has been torn away. And i’m talking from my own experience. When i fell out with my best friend it was awful, i cried loads and felt absolute rubbish. Truth is we never made up, we went our own ways and now it’s like a distant memory. Like it never happened. Do i hate her? Of course not. Just because you’re no longer friends with someone it doesn’t mean you hate them. Hate is an extremely strong word. She may or may not like me but thats her choice. Do i wish her well? Of course, knowing people are happy makes me happy. So you ask, whats this got to do with this blog post? I want to tell you how to deal with fallouts, to be the bigger person and the strong women you are. Theres right ways and wrong ways to deal with it, looking back i probably could have done with reading a post like this.
The wrong way or the right way
Girl world can be a daunting place. So when you loose your partner in crime, all of a sudden you’re left to walk the world alone. Theres two paths you can take, in retrospect. The right way or the wrong way. It’s as simple as that. Two paths, two very different outcomes. You need to handle this situation with delicacy, you don’t want to loose a friend forever, because of one silly argument. You want to either make up and put it behind you or at least just be civil. If you see them in town, smile and say hello. Not give them the mother of all evils look.
Falling out with somebody you adore is tough, it really does hurt like really really hurt. But one thing as girls, and guys for that fact do is say things in the heat of the moment that we don’t mean. This is the biggest part of a fall out, the make or break situation. I’m pretty sure we’ve all done it at some point. Things get heated and before you know it, insults are being thrown left right and centre. It feels good to get it off your chest but in the long run, things have become ten times worse. I know things have been said to me that i’ll never forget during arguments. With many people. Even people i don’t know. And when you’re calm you’d think, oh my god was that actually said? Because the guilt will kick in. Knowing you’ve upset someone you love because you are no longer friends is a pretty rubbish feeling. You want to apologise straight away but the chances are, they won’t want to talk to you. The space between you has just doubled in size. It isn’t looking good, theres no way across it. Whether it’s been with a friend, an ex whoever. Things have been said to me that i will never forget. Yes i might forgive, but i can’t forget. How can i? It knocked my confidence and stuck like a bad smell. I guess what i’m trying to say here is when you fall out, don’t get yourself into the situation of a heated row. Simply walk away, say you’re not doing this, you don’t want to hurt them anymore than the fall out already has and leave. It will be tough knowing you’re angry and for the love of donuts want to say a few ‘home truths’ or whatever but trust me you’re walking into a dangerous territory. So heres my three step method to overcoming a fallout without making the situation ten times worse.
Live, forgive, forget.
Live- Take a deep breathe and take a step back. Leave the dust to settle. Calm down and avoid contact. Girl, go live your life. Spend some time living your life as the strong, mature women you are. Find yourself, the you without that friend. Take up a new hobby, or meet some new friends. Remember why it is you fallout in the first place and accept the situation. Go your own ways and carry on your life. Keeping your head held high is important. You’re better than that. You don’t want to hurt them, you want to get on with your life and forget this negativity. Remember who you are, what you stand for and what things make you happy. Take a break away to find things about yourself you didn’t know like actually i’m really independent, i like doing things alone sometimes. Or spend some more time with family. After all they’re the people who stand by you through thick and thin. Make some amazing memories and forget all about the argument. Basically, leave that stage of your life for now, you can come back to it when you’ve both calmed down.
Forgive- When you’ve had enough breathing space, found yourself and the life you now happily live, you’ve calmed down and even forgotten why you fell out in the first place. This could be a few weeks or few months even maybe a few years. Give them a message asking to meet up for a coffee or something. Tell them you don’t want to argue, you simply want to talk. Clear the air and let go of any negativity. Explain to them why you got upset, and you did what you did to prevent any more arguments. You’re letting go of negativity and making your life more positive. Wishing them well, hoping they’re doing great. And most importantly, learning to say sorry. I’m sorry that i upset you, i’m sorry that we fell out. But i’m realising that we both made mistakes and we need to accept what’s done is done. Holding onto a bad memory is not good for either of you. Remember why it was you was such great friends in the first place, don’t let one bad memory flood those good ones. Hopefully they’ll have the same thought of mind and will do the same. But if they don’t then just accept it, say your bit. wish them well in life and walk away with your head held high.
Forget- It’s time to move on. If you’ve made up and are re-building the friendship then thats great. Forget the past, forget the fall outs and look forward to the future, taking it day by day, making that friendship stronger again. Accept that it might not ever be the same as it was but its still there. If you didn’t stay friends, then its time to carry on living your life, finding yourself and making new friends. Taking what you’ve learnt and putting it into practice. That part of your life is behind you, although you won’t forget the good memories you’ve had, you have a new life now. With new friends and new surroundings. Just because your life has changed it doesn’t mean the old one never happened. You simply grew up. The past is what made you the women you are today. And you should be proud of yourself. The most important person in all of this is you. You’ve followed your heart the whole way through and you’ve remained yourself. Being happy is important. The sad truth is life goes on. The world keeps spinning and the clocks keep turning. Don’t waste a single day unhappy or looking back on the past. You can’t change it so don’t stress over it. The only control you have is where you go from here.
I hope reading this has taught you a few things and that you take it with you. You’ll thank me one day (Hopefully)
Lot’s of love